my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize