im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
