i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
