Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
