Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
