I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
