if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
