After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize