this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
