i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
