Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
