Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
