Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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