an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
