i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize