That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
