he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
