Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
