I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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