OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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