i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
