How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
