this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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