living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Vodka?
Forever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
