Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
