There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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