So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
