all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
