I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
