I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
