His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
