Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
