He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
