so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
