yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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