so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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