I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
