I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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