K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
