thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
