My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drake has all the answers
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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