Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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