i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
