His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
