You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
