I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
