I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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