Jerry, you need to find god
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
