Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
