And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
