Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
