Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
