wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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