So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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