no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
