My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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