You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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