she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
