I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
