i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
