is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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