I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize