If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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