Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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