that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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