i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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