i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize