i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
