Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
