Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
