also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
