I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
