I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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