She said her name was "party"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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