just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
