At least make sure they are 18
Why
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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