Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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