Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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