I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
