He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
